I dunno. Must be a king. How do you know she is a witch? I have to push the pram a lot. Look, my liege! Shut up! What a strange person.

Am I right?

Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. He hasn’t got shit all over him. Well, what do you want? Well, what do you want? Burn her! She looks like one.

Dennis the Peasant

Shut up! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! We shall say ‘Ni’ again to you, if you do not appease us.

Am I right?

You can’t expect to wield supreme power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you! Burn her anyway! Why do you think that she is a witch? And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one. Well, we did do the nose. Shut up!

The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice!

The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king. Shh! Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride to Camelot! The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice!

I’m not dead!

I’m not a witch. Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut’s tropical! He hasn’t got shit all over him. Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone!

It’s only a model. Well, she turned me into a newt. No, no, no! Yes, yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart. Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed! Well, how’d you become king, then? Well, she turned me into a newt.

Who’s that then? Burn her! And the hat. She’s a witch! I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now leave before I am forced to taunt you a second time!